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Saturday, November 24, 2007

Will and Grace, or 'How are my Bitches?!'


Early this week, two coworkers had a screaming match. Fur flew. There was posturing. I was surprised it didn't come to hair-pulling, or a Zoolander Blue Steel walk-off.

The Incident took place between two equally excitable personalities, one proudly gay, from his pink, monogrammed oxford to his sockless, pea-green Ralph Lauren moccasins. In the other corner was his antithesis, a slightly macho, robust, football-loving, albeit equally preppy hetero guy.

It was inevitable - a Monday morning deadline, preparation all weekend, information handed off badly and much too late, two strong personalities with outside voices. The client was coming in, the work wasn't done, and gay dude started pointing (manicured) fingers at straight dude. The rest of us cowered in silence, listening intently.


GD: 'There is NO EXCUSE for not getting the work done. How on earth - '

SD: 'I was here all weekend, you guys didn't have your shit together - '

GD: 'This is about DOING YOUR JOB. Getting the job DONE. What kind of professional - '

SD: 'I'm not gonna stand around and listen to this. Your shit wasn't together - '


Straight dude didn't stand a chance, so he was the first to put the gun down. Gay dude continued to rant to the general population. Quietly, the emails started flying among the rest of us.

Fortunately, there's never an issue between the gays ('them') and the straights ('us'). They joke with Us all the time. Men and women are called 'bitches' or 'girrrrl', regardless of gender, in a playful sarcastic way. There's always comment about someone's wardrobe, or viagra, or who might be sleeping with whom.

Every day is like an episode of 'Will and Grace', only without the laugh track and with heaps of work. There is the sarcasm, the pettiness, the fabulous clothes. And there is always the feeling that a law suit was right around the corner.




I once joked that the office hierarchy went like this:
(from most powerful to least)

1. Gay men (understood here that they are outgoing and fashionable)
2. Straight women with fashion sense, outgoing personalities
3. Straight men with strong personalities, with or without fashion sense
4. Straight men with Type B personalities, generally zero fashion sense
5. Office dog
6. Straight women with less fashion sense, less outgoing personalities (sadly, I fall into this subset)


It's not so bad. For some reason, despite my low status on the totem pole, the gay crowd has given me immunity. I might not be invited to the Chelsea afterparties, but I have a sense of humor and am occasionally outspoken.

I haven't been voted off the island. Whew.


The famous Zoolander scene, below.

Top photo by myself, in Soho.

4 comments:

The Uneasy Supplicant said...

Really enjoyed this post. Very interesting and well totally funny.
Nice shot of the wall graffiti (if you can call it that I think) by the way ... I wish I could find stuff like that around here.
Anyways, very well written, funny and weirdly interesting.
~JD

Carrie Smith said...

Great post...and funny!
Thanks for the add:0) I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

have a great Saturday
carrie

Tammy said...

OMG...I'm still laughing!!! I wish I could have been there. I think you lead a very exciting life so don't worry about the low man on the totem pole, you're on the top of my totem pole.

kitty said...

thanks everyone :-)
there's more where that came from. I'll have to gather it together soon

-k